worthiness + boldness

Plenty of people have New Years Resolutions or pick a “word of the year” and I’m no exception. Last year I came up with 19 random resolutions, and unsurprisingly only stuck with a few of them, so I decided that instead of tangible changes, I needed mindset changes first this year. So here’s an entire essay about my two words of the year, why I chose them, and what role I want them to play in my life. Whether you’re ready to close out of this or you read all the way through, this is really just a way for me to combine the jumble of thoughts in my head & speak them into existence. If you haven’t noticed, I really love dividing my life up into seasons, and not the kind about the weather, but seasons of growth, peace, joy, etc. So I’m declaring over myself that this year will be a season of worthiness + boldness.

The past year and a half, I’ve realized have been about worthiness. It’s been about discovering which things I place worth in based on how I spend my time and thoughts, and how those things shape the perspective I have about my own worth. Just like almost every other 18-year-old girl headed off to college, I started placing my worth in the  Greek letters I wore on my frocket tees, how many socials I went to, whose group messages I was a part of, who posted me on their Instagram, whether or not I ate alone at the dining halls, my GPA, and it was no fun!!!!! Sure, it’s great when you get invited to go on that date night and get asked to go out with the girls you’ve always wanted to be friends with, but there are also more times than I’d care to admit when I placed all of my worth in these things, and the only way to avoid the sting of rejection or disappointment is to KNOW YOUR WORTH!!!!!!

Once I started placing my worth in Jesus, life became so much more joyful despite disappointments!! I recently read a book called Uninvited by Lysa Terkeurst (shoutout Simone for the constant recommendation), and it truly does wonders for your perspective on your own worth. Here are some things the Bible says about our worth & who our Creator says we are:

“The Lord does not look at things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” -1 Samuel 16:7

“I know how to get along with humble means, and I also know how to live in prosperity; in any and every circumstance I have learned the secret of being filled and going hungry, both of having abundance and suffering need. I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.” -Philippians 4:12-13

“And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God’s love.” -Romans 8:38

And there is so much peace and joy and satisfaction in knowing our true, unchanging worth in Him. It’s so freeing to know that neither our opinions of ourselves nor others opinions of us can add nor subtract from who we truly are. The Enemy tells us lies and wants us to question our worth, and it has possibly been my greatest struggle in this season. It’s been a work in progress rewiring my thoughts to say no to lies and yes to the truth of my worth through Christ.

There’s also the aspect of worthiness that is what we find worthy of our time and attention. Are we spending time with the Lord daily or is our phone screen time 7 hours each day? When do we spend our days wondering what people think of us versus what Jesus thinks of us? I want to be aware of what things are consuming my time and attention and what things really should be consuming me. I also want to be aware of how I view myself and my worth when I am being consumed with the right things versus the wrong things.

It can be so incredibly difficult when we hear people say these things and we read it over and over again in the Bible yet we have trouble truly believing it. I want to be absolutely, undeniably, 100% convicted of my worth and you should be too.

 

And now this is where boldness comes in. Boldness can mean courage or bravery or confidence. It is BOLD to proclaim that there is a God who loves us immeasurably despite any flaws we may have amidst a world where love and worth are correlated to mundane things. And I will boldly declare my worth so that it is impossible for people to see me & not know that their own worth comes from the Lord, too.

It’s all too easy to call yourself a Christian, put a Bible verse in your Insta bio, and then deny that when we’re confronted with doubt in real life. Anybody can raise their hands and sing a worship setlist or go to church on Sundays when it’s convenient. But maybe our words and actions only align with Christ when it’s convenient. It’s easy to go to church on Sundays and then forget about Jesus the other 6 days of the week. It’s easy to ask God to transform our entire lives and then only pick up the book He gave us a few times a week. I find myself falling into the trap of complacency and convenience all too often.

For example, posting this is terrifying for me. I worry that my friends who know Jesus will think that this isn’t “Jesus-y” enough, and I worry that my friends who don’t know Jesus will think that I’m too dramatic and existential and too much of a “Jesus girl”. And then I worry that people who don’t know me will judge me and not like me solely based on this post and I even worry that my words aren’t reflected enough in my everyday life. But boldness is telling me to post it anyways.

I want to be bold in my actions and words so that when people interact with me, they know that my heart is for Jesus only and that Jesus is so worthy of every ounce of our time and attention. I don’t want people to see me as half-heartedly Christian or only when it’s convenient. I don’t want someone’s heart to be turned away from Jesus because my own heart wasn’t all for His glory.

I’ve come to learn that there’s a difference between believing in Jesus and loving Jesus. Even the Enemy believes in God (James 2:19). Loving God changes our entire lives. It changes the way we love ourselves, and how we speak and act, and how we love others. I don’t want the surface-level version of Christianity where I believe in Jesus and call it a day. I want to be so transformed by and in tune with the love of God that anybody who sees me can see Him and all that He is. I want to recklessly pursue Him and know who He is and hear His voice and see the work of His hands in everything. I want to glorify Him through every action, word and thought of every day through grace, kindness, wisdom, and goodness. That’s the kind of boldness I want to walk in. And let this boldness be consistent and persevere through the moments when it’s easiest to be weak.

“Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need.” – Hebrews 4:16

“And if what was transitory came with glory, how much greater is the glory of that which lasts! Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.” – 2 Corinthians 3:11-12

“He proclaimed the kingdom of God and taught about the Lord Jesus Christ—with all boldness and without hindrance!” – Acts 28:31

So here is my (2 months late) word(s) of the year! I pray that these word being spoken into the universe hold me accountable and that I look back on this post in 2021 amazed at the transformation in my life. Anyways, thank you for making it this far – I love you for valuing my thoughts and I appreciate hearing all of your thoughts about my thoughts.

~E

Also, because you didn’t ask, here are some of my recent favorite things that I felt like I needed to share because I just love them so much:

  • The Screwtape Letters – C.S. Lewis (SO GOOD!!!)
  •  Anything by C.S. Lewis – just do a Pinterest search of C.S. Lewis quotes, you will not be disappointed.
  •  Pieces and House Upon A Hill by Amanda Lindsey Cook – I could listen to these two on repeat for hours & be just as amazed as the first time I heard them.

 

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